----haix..
im feeling emo again.. must be the time alone at home.. T.T haha.. i mean, i guess staying at home too much gives me time to think too much too! haha.. its like i have so much time to think, and to day dream.. haha.. and to SPACE OUT.. LOL.. well, i've been thinking, and watching a LOT of tv.. haha.. and its like i learnt that liking a person, you know who i mean, is like smoking a cigerette.. its like im an addict, and to quit smoking, it takes a lot of courage and patience and time.. and as to liking him, i've not killed my habits, and i still need more time to tell myself that i dun like smoking and i dun like him anymore.. it hurts me to think that maybe he alr likes another girl and is making out with her jus as i type this out.. but its not up to me to say anything anymore now is it? haha.. i feel so weird typing all this out.. im so scared smth lidat mite happen, jus as i dreamt of it.. i dreamt that he was making out and hugging this girl rite in front of me, and even in my dream, i was crying but yet i did not know wat to do.. i know im a fool.. BUT! haha.. i wanna get this off my chest and never speak of this again! i hate it when my frens start talking abt him.. everyone loves doing that.. smtimes i jus feel like crying in class la.. to stop them from saying anymore.. plus, i think i have no affinity with him.. maybe we were never meant to be.. i mean we hardly knew each other before we went into a relationship you know.. it like wat mel said.. the men left a hole in our hearts, no matter whether it was the girl or the guy who instigated the break up.. i feel that i have totally no right to criticise or comment on anything now.. ESPECIALLY on anything to do with a relationship.. bcos my own ended up in a dreadful situation.. and i know i cannot jus accept someone rite now to get rid of that hole cos that wld be unfair to the other party.. im not ready to accept anyone, or to do anything.. i feel like jus stepping back into a corner and hide there to cry.. haix.. i wanna cry y heart out, and maybe one day, when i finally quit smoking, i'll stop crying.. [i dun smoke mind you..] i havent talked to him in a week, much less seen him.. i see him online and all, but i dun think i wanna talk to him.. i mean he has his own life rite? he shld be happy he got rid of me! and i shld be happy for him, rite? i must try! i still will support him quietly behind rite? i mean i dunno wat to do.. haix.. as a fren.. as a fren!! this is improvement! i mean not talking to him and all, but its killing me inside!! ARGH! i jus wanna take out my heart and fill the FREAKING gap! and then hope it wun hurt when i try to put it back.. i dun think he'll wanna talk to me if he ever saw this post.. but its my blog! i can type anything here rite? i hope so.. T.T
anws.. that has been an extremely long post, smth i have been fighting with myself on whether to type or not.. but i need to be brave and express ALL my feelings! YES! haha.. okie.. i guess i feel better? i have happier things to post abt, but not today ba.. LOVES!
<3 miko
