----im so tired..
haix.. im having this feeling again.. i hate it when i have this feeling.. i just cant help but feel this way la.. since this morning i've been feeling really awful, like i had smth i needed to bare all out abt, but then i tot that maybe it was sat, that was why i was feeling like this, cos normally on sats, i wld feel really awful.. but today is just worse..
its like today, i had 4hrs of math tuition.. dunno how i got past it.. haha.. and before that, i was at home watching "CORNER WITH LOVE"! it was really really really UBER nice! but then i cried and cried cos the girl and guy could not be together, and i found that really touching, cos i somehow cld put myself into the shoes of the girl.. bcos i do miss him okie.. i dun say it, but somehow, i feel like i regret everything i did.. i keep telling myself that time will heal everything, but it hasnt, and its been such a long long time.. everytime i see him from afar, i dun even know whether to cry or to laugh.. though i promised myself i will not cry, not even a tear, i find it harder and harder to keep it in myself.. and today jus made it all worse..
haix.. today, after tuition, on the way to mama's hse, i received a call from a STUPID FREN.. who shall be called "MOMO REN".. and so, when MOMOREN called, i was in the car staring into space like i usually do.. i actually was trying to persuade MOMOREN to go for the sch's POC thing, to raise funds for MGS ROCS, but then MOMOREN had to go on and on abt ME using MOMOREN.. it's always MOMOREN MOMOREN MOMOREN.. NEVER A THOUGHT ABT ME! i've gotten FED UP with all this nonsense you know.. my mum even calls me AUNT AGGY! haix.. its like, i dun mind listening to wat ppl have to say, but smtimes, it gets a bit far off when they describe situations where they like to put ME in, but when it happens to them, they dun like it! WTH la! haix..
its like, MOMOREN kept saying i used MOMOREN, and bcos of that, MOMOREN got angry, and accused my other fren, BIBI, that it was BIBI's idea for everything, when actually, it was jus a lil thing that i thought of to help BOTH BIBI and MOMOREN, but MOMOREN, cld only think of MOMOREN, and then kept thinking that i was making use of MOMOREN.. I GOT SO FED UP, i hung up on MOMOREN.. but MOMOREN sent me an sms and said sorry.. so i forgave MOMOREN..
however, at that moment, i was alr very very sad, and as usual, it has been a norm for me to stay away from the crowd at my mama's hse, and i wld jus stay in my aunty's room, so jus now, i cried inside, cos i couldnt take it..
as i was returning home, MOMOREN called again, and i picked up.. this time, BIBI was with MOMOREN, and then BIBI scolded ME this time, saying i have a big mouth and all, but then its like i only told MOMOREN the truth cos i dun wanna lie anymore, and it was the best way to help BIBI anws.. ARGH! i was SO ANGRY yet SAD, that i hung up on BIBI.. it was like WTH! i did all that bcos i tot i cld help both BIBI and MOMOREN, but i end up getting SCOLDED for smth i think is RITE?! is there no rite in this world?! haix.. then i ended up crying in the car all the way home.. i just needed to let it out.. and my dad and mum kept talking on abt wat real frens are and all.. maybe they are rite..
bcos.. after i reached home, i was so moody and all, i rushed to the toilet and cried while i bathed.. it felt good crying.. to let it out and all.. haix.. i told myself i wouldnt cry, but when i locked myself in the room alone, i cried again.. IM SUCH A CRYBABY! T.T
my mummy must have known i wld have done so, so she insisted on being in coming into my room.. we even stood at my room door for 1hr plus, quarrelling and all.. i kept hitting her, and then i cried again cos i felt bad, and cos i jus needed to cry la.. then she told me, true frens wun scold you over this petty things, they wun shout at you or not listen to your explanations.. maybe she is rite.. maybe i shld not be crying..
BUT I CANT HELP IT! i need to help them.. i NEED TO BE NICE! i'll feel really bad if im not nice to someone.. i cant be ruthless to anyone.. i'll jus burst out laughing somehow.. haix.. i dun wanna be an evil witch or smth.. I DUN WANNA!! >
anws, MOMOREN called again, and then i picked up cos MOMOREN used MOMOREN's FREN's phone.. then MOMOREN said sorry without knowing wat MOMOREN did, cos MOMOREN said i sounded sad and angry.. but it is USELESS saying sorry if one doesnt know wat one has done wrong am i not correct?! haix,, anws, BIBI also talked to me on the phone, but BIBI didnt think it was BIBI's fault, kept asking wat MOMOREN did wrong when MOMOREN didnt do anything wrong.. haix.. IM JUS VERY CONFUSED NOW!! i wanted to laugh jus now while on the phone, but i controlled myself.. i couldnt give in so easily!! T.T
then they very smart, HANG UP on me la.. BAKA! dun like THEM! i hate myself for this feeling.. i dun hate anyone, i hate myself.. why am i so STUPID! ARGH!
im not in the best of moods now.. i'll jus scream at someone, but end up crying again.. ARGH! why am i like that?! i wanna cry again la.. T.T
anws, PEACE OUT..
<3 miko!
